Courtesy: Pin interest
Thoughts and it’s journey in&around the mind.
The pain and suffering, the conflict, the deep hatred for yourself and things around your life
when the mind feels its on formula one racing track ,racing, weaving inbetween the obstacles of anger , frustration , fear, self hatred, hating others, gut clenching violence.
Unable to hear the thoughts, unable to feel sane, swimming in the not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel of deep deep suffering…
The emotions all gather like boil in your head and the suffering the anger, vengeance, unbearable anger consumes you, consumes your sanity, your joy, and you who you are is lost in the infinite chasm, floating around, wondering, who you are, and what you have become.
And when the ugly, horrid metamorphis of anger, suffering, deep hatred, vengeance and violence, subsides— you wonder who you become and when it recurs again and again-unbearable ..the self hatred is unbearable, only death seems to be gate way to a better world.
Suicide in today’s human realm has become real and common
Gone are the days when we could hear stories of human will, perserverance over all travesty prevails
As an actor, my first face to face with “ suicide “ was actor Silk Smitha’s in 1996
Silk Smitha’s suicide was a surprise for me.
She was a lady with great perseverance and will power and admired by many. Her personality, style and grit were spoken with awe in the corridors of the South Indian film industry.
Two weeks prior to her death, I had met her and Dr. Radhakrihsna her manager in a shoot location in Kerala, India.
Courtesy:Pin interest
We were shooting in Kerala for a Malyalam film, and although my shoot wrapped for the day, the unit was shooting thru the night with Ms. Silk Smitha. I waited for her to come to the sets, and introduced myself and was charmed by her simple innocence.
Suicide marks you , especially when you have met the person when they are alive and walking, talking, laughing.
What would make a woman of her personality go to the length of committing suicide I wondered.
But of course as all suicides, there was no logical answer.
And every time an actor commits suicide, the blame game, passing the buck starts.
Suicide is a very personal decision
I have to yet meet a person form whom suicide wasn’t a thought in the passing at least, and some who have tried it repeatedly and unsuccessfully nd some successfully.
When my life took the most disparaging U-turn, one that none of us would want to live through , suicide did cross my mind.
But my first thought was of people who loved me., what will happen to them if I leave them.
We have to decide and dictate our lives- not by peers, trolls not any other human being.
Nor can or should it be ignore.
The pain of suffering need not exists.
I was able to be relieved and walk out of these asphyxiating life style only coz I followed the teachings of My Guru , Bhagwan Sri Nithyananda Paramashivam
Anger and vengeance leads to suffering and suicide.
But living life without violence, in Ahimsa is the true nature of human.
Below are some of the teaching of my Guru ,which I have practiced successfully and urge each to practice and experience real inner freedom
https://youtu.be/0t_2LeCVdZg,, ,,
Except completion there is not another solution for the self violence